AG, OG, 2G, Sunoji!

Hola Amigos!

Hope the sudden invocation of a Spanish welcome doesn’t put you off reading this post. For a change I’ve managed to post immediately after a major event/incident/accident (for the dynasty at least) has occurred.

As I get more mature and my gray matter ripens, I believe I can voice my thoughts on anything and everything that happens on planet earth with no basic understanding of the subject and no regard for the feelings of the people who I am about to insult. Well that’s called growing up I hear. This sarcasm laden rant in on the 2G(‘s) of India.

Sorry folks, I’m not going into technical specifications of the network and how the bandwidth functions while providing ultra high speed internet. It doesn’t refer to the 2Gs who have run my country for the last decade (or maybe it does). Ra-G and So-G have contrived to form a perfect cartel here, the profits of which are being and will continue to be reaped for the coming 25 generations.

To be honest, I pity these G’s. How they had hoped to last another decade and provide for a golden jubilee of G(enerations). The Gs, viz. G and 2G have made the modern India what it is today.
The first G was MKG.
Then we had 2G: Ra-G and So-G

Elaborating on all the Gs would require me to behave my age and will have to be preceded by Pluto being re-inducted into the league of planets. You get the point right?

1G gave us a gift of gargantuan proportions; the one gift that we all have to be proud of, the friendly, neighborhood sisterland. The frequency with which our historian and journo brothers comment on this with a utopian point of view is beyond the realms of my pea-sized brain. Seriously guys, we've endlessly slated the laughing man on our banknotes for giving us THIS masterpiece. You should thank him instead. Ungrateful twits!

The 2G’s are the reason why our economy has surged past the likes of Burkina Faso and Djibouti in the last decade. Also, they’ve ensured that we stay years ahead of the sisterland. Who cares if the west if light years and galaxies ahead of us in every aspect? We aren’t nosey like them you see!
My then PM, the person I respect the most on the planet; Mr. Maun Vrath gave the biggest contribution of them all. See how many guys fret when their girls give them the silent treatment? You never know what’s wrong. Yet something is and you’re dead bro!
MMS gave the entire country a silent treatment. So-G, Ra-G and all the other braniacs in charge of running the country hatched a master plan; to get the Turbanator to give us all a piece of his mind. They huffed and they puffed and they blew…well whatever..the fellow didn’t talk. Silent treatment to you now biatch!

All hell broke loose when the 2G scam was made public and the junta realized that the reason to be miffed with 2G was not just ultra high speed internet! A. King proceeded to make billions just from sitting on his desk and making a few phonecalls(albeit on 2G network). Get rich fast schemes for all on 2G! More so, our King rejected recommendations made by the Turbanator and went on to hatch his own plans to rival Bill Gates. He conveniently subverted the first come first serve policy for granting licenses and converted them to first pay first serve policy. He gave licenses to a gorgeous white bird (symbol of love) and some silly co’s while considering telecom rates from the Stone Age (the fact that he managed to bag close to $500mn as “fees” befuddles me even more). How could foreign companies be so senile? Aren’t gora-langurs supposed to be the epitome of smartness? On a side note, our current, new Ab ki baar PM could’ve borrowed some funds from the King. Afterall the King is supposed to grant funds ain’t he?

A recent interview between Mr. Ar-now and the former CAG (nope, nothing to do with WAG) led to some startling revelations. Firstly, ex-CAG claimed that our dear Turbanator knew about the 2G jhamela, knew about the King’s involvement but remained quiet. My good Lord! How did he manage not to talk? The man with the greatest oratory skills since Brutus and Mark Antony actually kept mum on the entire matter and allowed it to be trivialized. Now the sun shall finally rise from the West!
Ar-now goes on to use his very unhackneyed phrase “The whole country wants to know”! ; This with respect to the scam. Honestly mate; does the entire country even know what 2G stands for? Leave aside the knowhow of how a King can loot his courtiers (and courtesans). As for those who are abreast with this nonsense, they already know everything and can do nothing. They are just as tongue tied as Mr. Maun Vrath.

As the famous song goes: AG, OG, 2G sunoji, main hoon Manmoha....G!
Nahi sun sakte, tu toh bolta hi nahi pappay!