A couple of days to go for the biggest cricketing event
after the IPL, Champions League,T20 Worldcup and Jhumritallaiya Premier League
and Team Blue are gearing up for the defence (or it is defense? Damn you Big Apple nuts!)of
their title and I’m finding ways to roast them!
Talking of roast, I hope this one doesn’t get taken down
like the one which featured a gay, a sexual creep and a big-toothed-ex-fatguy-dating-current-fatgirl.
We’ve got some of the biggest names in world cricket in our team and all we can
come up with for a slogan, anthem, chant etc. is… We won’t give it back! I mean
come on, I know we are a cheap bunch of people but please don’t make it so
glaringly obvious that the 5 other countries who regularly pummel you on field
(South Africa, New Zealand, England, Pakistan, Sri Lanka) will start taking the
mickey out of you off the field too! (Australia is a continent and West Indies
is nothing but a result of my people venturing off to somewhere near North
America just to prove Columbus right).
A swat analysis follows (yes they’re going to be swatted),
of the players who are likely to not give anything back down under:
2) Rohit Sharma: Potential and talent get you nowhere. A cross between a sloth and a snow monkey brandishing a cricket bat. Also known as No-hit.
3) Virat Sharma..sorry Kohli: Arrogance in abundance, also goes by the name MCBC. Has burnt all records of Band Baaja Baraat.
4) Ajinkya Rahane: Looks like Rahul Dravid when he was 6 years old. Bats like Rahul Dravid when he was 36 years old.
5) Suresh Raina: Definitely he is the Suresh from the 5-star advertisement. Forgets that the bat is to be used as well.
6) MS Dhoni: Nope not Ms. Dhoni. Aadmi hai yaar ye. Captain bhi. Last seen losing games against Australia, England, South Africa and New Zealand. Always leaves it till the very end. Wife must love him!
7) Ravindra Jadeja: Only person to be knighted without being knighted. Can’t bat, can’t bowl. Has a younger version of him as replacement.
8) Axar Patel: I wonder if he changed his spelling due to the Axe commercials but it’s not fetching him anything; least of all hot girls. A younger replacement of no. 7 albeit worse.
9) Ravi Ashwin: He’s the true dancer of the team. His bowling action evolves faster than Darwin had theorized. Is the next Sobers and Dhoni’s “friend”.
10) Stuart Binny: All bachelor teammates hate him. Married Mayanti Langer. Finding ET is easier than finding how/why she fell for him!
11) Mohammed Shami: Our neighbors had Sami, we have Shami. No difference in skills(or lack of therein).
12) Ambati Rayudu: Was U-19 captain for Dhawan, Raina, Irfan Pathan. It seems the selectors have selected him out of pity.
13) Umesh Yadav: A Yadav from Vidarbha. Fantastic! Failed to join the Army or Police, thus plays cricket to earn two meals a day.
14) Bhuvaneshwar Kumar: The team once had a “kelewala” who bowled a bit. This guy seems like his concubine child.
15) Mohit Sharma: Called up as a replacement for Ishant Sharma. Nuff said!
Honestly, with this lineup we aren’t capable of giving anything back.
But boss… World Cup Sri-knee ne khareeda nahi hai abtak… so We #willgiveitback
12) Ambati Rayudu: Was U-19 captain for Dhawan, Raina, Irfan Pathan. It seems the selectors have selected him out of pity.
13) Umesh Yadav: A Yadav from Vidarbha. Fantastic! Failed to join the Army or Police, thus plays cricket to earn two meals a day.
14) Bhuvaneshwar Kumar: The team once had a “kelewala” who bowled a bit. This guy seems like his concubine child.
15) Mohit Sharma: Called up as a replacement for Ishant Sharma. Nuff said!
Honestly, with this lineup we aren’t capable of giving anything back.
But boss… World Cup Sri-knee ne khareeda nahi hai abtak… so We #willgiveitback
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